My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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