U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
