Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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