just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
