just come out here and I will go home with you...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
