I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
