I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
