A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
