dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
