Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
