bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
