the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
