There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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