I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
