I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
