That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
