Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
