i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
