im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
