Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
