i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hippo gnu deer
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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