none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Two words: nipple clamps
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