chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
