yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
