booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
