WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
