I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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