I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
