So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
