I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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