i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
