Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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