forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
