Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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