Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
