you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
