That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
