I have demons in me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Im part way to drunk.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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