i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
