trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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