why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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