roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think your dad took our porno
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
