I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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