Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
