You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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