Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
