Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
