if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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