I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
