When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
